you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
