Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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