she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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