i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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