I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
