She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize