he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
