i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
