I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
