Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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