I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
