doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize