bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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