I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
