your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
