AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
