My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
