oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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