Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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