too bad you live with your parents still
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
