I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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