YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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