My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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