if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
