I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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