Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
