handjob tips. give me some.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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