My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
