Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
