No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize