I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Mom said you looked used
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
