The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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