Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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