i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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