Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
