elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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