hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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