We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
