I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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