I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The air taste purple.
Randomize
