What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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