someone owes me an orgasm
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
