did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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