he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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