And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
