ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
