She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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