When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
