You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
In America we eat man semen.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
