I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
