Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
