sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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