It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
