I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
