I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
