i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
