My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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