So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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