are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
