You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
