every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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