If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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