how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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