i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
A+ Viking dick
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
