hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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