Well apparently he's into motor boating.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
