I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
