Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
