He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
