Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize