I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
