People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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